A good cry

Why is it a good cry often makes me feel so good. I have a love/hate relationship with the movie "The Joy Luck Club." Everytime I watch it I guarantee myself two hour cry-fest. I mean I start crying during the opening credits and snot is running out of my nose through most of the show. When the movie is over I always ask myself why I do this to myself... why drudge up these horrible feelings and emotions.

I guess it is to release them. An hour after I watch "The Joy Luck Club," after the tissues are put away, I always feel good. The movie and the cry clean me out. I know one of my biggest weaknesses is to repress my feelings. I don't tell people when they hurt me and I let very few people into my private thoughts. I feel guilty if I give more than I take. Maybe crying is a way to compensate. I don't know.

I've always considered myself somewhat of a hedonist. I don't take it so far that I hurt others, but I like having a good time. I like to indulge. I love a good meal, time with friends, the emotional satisfaction of doing things where I am a winner. Maybe there is a sense of joy inherent in feeling bad too. It makes you see everything else so clearly. I don't know. One to think on I guess.